Friday, 30 May 2008

Sex in the Who Cares City



Seriously.

The movie.

The incessant reruns.

The 'count down' to the movie premiere.

The talk.

The fashion.

The obsession of the dresses.

The plot.

The actresses.

The characters.

Am I the only one who now watches the old episodes cringing? Why did I think these were interesting, much less riveting story lines? All the characters are one demential. The plots are mildly entertaining but seem written mostly to titillate. At the time, it was a bit new to have women characters so up front about sex and relationships. And that was cool. But I resented them all being painted as a shoe slutty man eaters. It gives woman kind a bad name. But fine. The show had its place on the coveted HBO Sunday line up. Especially in my house.

But now it seems the world has missed them SO much. I say- really? Were you gone? Or are we just so hard up for film that we are ready to drudge up a barely old TV show to reclaim it?

SATC- thanks for the memories on the Sunday nights. And for making me occasionally nod in agreement or understanding. But really, I moved on when you did and just can't muster up any enthusiasm for you now. Carrie. Big. Miranda. Charlotte. Samantha. I left you in New York suspended in time and that is actually where I'd like you to stay.

Thursday, 29 May 2008

getting started for Glasgow



Start your engines. I am going to training in July and will look to set her up for September! Starting a Life Club is also going to be my Leadership project, so am going to give it really my all. I am excited! Also thrilled to be in good company with Lex and Lister as my colleagues!

Monday, 19 May 2008

yes and



  • in to me see
  • 100%/100% on the wire
  • alignment not agreement
  • sourcing
  • impeccability of word and action
  • samurai warrior
  • power it up
  • contraband diet cokes from Brenda
  • wiggle it just a little bit
  • the particles
  • not thinking
  • wild turkeys
  • ire
  • the Deer girls
  • from other
  • Goddess in training
  • blend and lead
  • stop and break
  • meet my energy
  • our powerful talking stick and its sacred ceremony
  • breasticles
  • assumptions stop me loving you more
  • 42 feet on the ground
  • what I like about your idea
  • level 4
  • stake
  • controlling bitch
  • for the sake of
  • lucky charms clearing
  • Ross's colours
  • recover
  • the new full monty pod
  • gifts from beauties
  • living on purpose= it matters
  • I can do more than I thought and I need everyone's help tshirts from Owen
  • in between
  • rabbits=fear
  • shifting the space
  • being an integrated humour
  • closed or bruised
  • heart stones from Doug and Amy
  • its not about me (its not about me x infinity)
  • Rhondi our shaman
  • control freak books from Gail(s)
  • connect
  • stay
  • fail
  • recover
  • stay
  • the tiny cottage becoming a giant mansion
  • homeostasis and emergence
  • re entry

Sunday, 11 May 2008

nice things I had forgotten to miss

  1. wide roads
  2. wide parking spaces
  3. driving 
  4. driving automatic cars
  5. driving to hits from the 70, 80s and today on the radio
  6. 15 kinds of pretzels and the bounty which is the American grocery store
  7. how delicious it is to play on the soft surf waves of Sand Key
  8. southern accents
  9. singing at top velocity in the car with G
  10. tan hands and feet
  11. Fresca
  12. spending enough time with my parents that I stop finishing my sentences
  13. space
  14. how much my skin likes the sun
  15. how much my brain likes the sun
  16. relief in being in my home country

Wednesday, 30 April 2008

happiness is a working washing machine

823 feet to arthur's seat





After nearly 2 years of living in Edinburgh, I finally did it.  Arthur's Seat is one of the cities most spectacular views - up a 823 scramble of rocks and paths and overlooks Holyrood Park

After a huffy, puffy ascent,  Mark & I reached a clear blue day and got an eyeful of our beloved city and the waters just beyond.




Friday, 25 April 2008

flirting with life clubbing

You deserve to be happy. That's the slogan. I like it.


On my way south to London to 'interview' or check out the possibility of running my own Life Club when we move to Glasgow. Mark Lister does one in Edinburgh... Lex does one in Bournmouth and I think I'd like to try my hand.


It is a novel ideal, created by CTI trained (my school) coach Nina Grunfeld, author of Big Book of Me and Big Book of Us. They are weekly meetings that are open to anyone to come along and do a bit of Me Focus. I have been trying not to think about it as coaching lite. But it is a chance (affordable compared to one-on-one coaching) for folks to come and set aside 1.5 hours a week to work on goals, take a pause, get perspective. It is a cool notion.

And for me, it aligns with my greater purpose to see people's strengths and help them see them too. It is an idea worth checking out. And as these meetings are held weekly, it woud keep me in action and on purpose each week.

So, we shall see. I am enjoying the journey.

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Indefinitely



Another UK milestone.

I have a brand spanking new visa in my passport that allows me the right to remain in the UK. Indefinitely.

Literally, that is what it is called. (Indefinite Leave to Remain)

Even though if I leave the UK for more then 2 years, I have to reapply. I guess that was too long of a name for a visa.

Can't kick me out now!

But we better start thinking about Green Cards for Mark for a move back to the US someday.

Whew.

Monday, 21 April 2008

she shoots. she scores!


YEHAW.


I am proud and happy to announce I have passed my UK practical driving test! Sheesh. It was harder than I anticipated and my elation matches. I now realize the USA has wide roads. And lanes in the road Just For Parked Cars. And no roundabouts. And you can cross hand-over-hand when you turn. And you don't use your hand brake at stop lights. And the lights go amber when it is about to turn red (rather than GREEN here!)

I had a nice examiner named Ewan -- a lovely Scottish man in his 50s with a nice kind face and a gentle sense of humour. He calmed me down immediately. I had to parallel park, do a reverse around a corner and drive in all manner of roundabouts and junctions and various obstacles in the road. (At one point it almost felt staged -- I encountered a lady with a baby carriage, a worker on a ladder, construction, the whole works!)

So, a giant WHEW from this 40 year old learner. Even though we don't have a car, it is nice to know I never need to do this again.

Friday, 18 April 2008

things clogging my brain

  1. UK driving test on Monday
  2. Washing machine broken for 2 weeks on final undies
  3. Indefinite Leave to Remain Visa (the FINAL visa) appointment Tuesday
  4. Life Club meeting/interview in London Saturday
  5. Awaiting mortgage official offer letter
  6. Need new swimming suit
  7. Colour schemes for the new house
  8. Furniture for the new house
  9. Mark bad cold/overworking
  10. Long hair needs cutting
  11. Travel to Florida and R2 California
  12. Packing
  13. Moving

Monday, 14 April 2008

choosing the right side



(on Ted.com. Inspired talks by the world's greatest thinkers and doers)

Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor had an opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: One morning, she realized she was having a massive stroke. As it happened -- as she felt her brain functions slip away one by one, speech, movement, understanding -- she studied and remembered every moment. This is a powerful story of recovery and awareness -- of how our brains define us and connect us to the world and to one another. (Recorded February 2008 in Monterey, California. Duration: 18:44.)

Thursday, 10 April 2008

"Do you just not like ironing?" A rant about dry cleaning in the UK

 ... asked the 50-something weathered Scottish counter worker as I dropped off and collected 2 weeks worth of items.  Sigh.  Our dry cleaning has become an issue of question, slight scorn and disbelief for many people in Great Britain.  And I am well and truly over it.

It started when we would go to the dry cleaners in Cambridge with mounds of Mark's work shirts. The worker ladies would be quite hassled at the amount and give us strange looks as if we had committed crimes with them and were trying to erase the evidence in soap and water.

And it continues in Scotland.  Our local dry cleaners is Johnsons -- a national chain.  And they are pretty used to us. But on more than one occasion our business brings discussion amongst the staff and patrons. 

Most people are bringing in and collecting 1 or 2 items -- a fancy dress, a suit, a set of curtains. Mark wears 5- 8 shirts a week and is a bit hamper happy and is known to wear a shirt 4 hours and throw it in the dry cleaning pile. So on a normal run, we have like 16 shirts, 4 trousers, a few scarves and a blouse or 2.  We get looks. One fellow customer pensioner aged- lady looked at my load and just started laughing, "My oh my, I have never seen anyone bring so much in before!  Is that a year's worth?"  

And today, the woman at the counter just accusingly saying "So, do you just not like to iron?"
Sigh.  I was not in the mood.  I explained to her that in the US it is quite commonplace in most cities to have business shirts laundered and pressed and not at all uncommon.  She STARTED to say before perhaps twigging that I was indeed American that it was probably because "they have everything done for them in the US." I tried to explain that we really are just the same, but it was a different way of doing things.  I felt myself get defensive and hot.  I hate it when American behaviour gets lumped, especially when the person in question probably has never been there. 

I also explained that it is quite affordable to have shirts done in the US and in fact, my husband actually preferred it to my own meager attempts at ironing.  Wow, do I live in a different country.  She answered "Well if he can afford it honey, let him pay!"  Now granted, Mark IS paying just now, but I didn't appreciate the inference that I clearly was not.

In the end it just underscores the difference perhaps in the mind-sets. Maybe this is a luxury. But we also don't spend our money on cigarettes and lager and the chippie 5 times a week like many folks do in this country.  It is our luxury.  I am not a bad wife because I do not iron my husband's shirts.  The British people as a general rule seem less inclined to spend money on themselves to make life easier.  Americans spend loads of money making their life easier. 

My defensiveness  comes from a place of not wanting to be seen as lazy and if I had more peace in my heart about it, I would just see the dry cleaners of the UK with different sets of priorities and maybe that 30 quid buys beer. Or maybe it pays for food. Or new shoes for their kid. The national average salary is £22k yet living is not really cheaper than in the US.  Money needs to go further. 

So instead of letting this make me feel slighted, I really might try to feel lucky that we can afford to have professionals handle these clothes.  

My rant, like my ironing, is lousy. 

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

334 revisited

I rarely have recurring dreams.  Or dreams that trouble me.  I am really fortunate that my dreams are usually easy like reading a good book and often just take me into pleasant day-to-day situations and living.

But I have been having a dream now over and over for months.  I must get back to the Quebec House to retrieve something. It is mail, or a package or my car (it is my 1988 Madza in my dream which I have left in the parking lot for 4 years).  Somehow I try to break into Apartment 334. Or pass myself off as the current resident to get the mail behind the front desk. And there is always something weird with the elevators. I can't get to my floor, or there is construction, or a giant crowd.  And it is really annoying.  Like it is a total pain in the ass errand I must run and can't get finished.  And every time I go back, it feels weird and 'other' since I no longer live there. The deeply familiar is now 1% off and foreign. 

WHAT is up with that? What am I trying to retrieve? What don't I want to let go of? What am I missing?  And why can't I get it?

Friday, 4 April 2008

3 small points

1) Pigeons have made the window ledge above our flat their hang out, which at first glance is well, fine. But they are gathering en masse. And feeling rather comfortable.  And 100% using our front stoop as their own private toilet. I now need to run up the stairs (or down) to make sure I am not dive bombed.  It is super gross and I kinda wish I had a firearm.

2) Out to practice drive today with Mark.  My regular instructor tests my mettle.  In as far as occasionally grabbing the wheel or using her driver instructor brake.  Which for any experienced driver makes you think "What are you doing? That is DANGEROUS to grab the wheel!"  I truly am having a hard time with the beginners mind and have to go through several perspective shifts before I enter her car each week. Lessons lessons. 

3) Spring is starting to show up even through forecasts of snow.  Our wee garden has gone from dead to green seemingly overnight, and once again I am stunned at the miracle of the changing seasons.  I always forget to notice it happening and then am surprised when it does.  And pleasantly reminded that life is constantly changing around me.  It is a nice reminder to feel that forgotten warmth. 

Sunday, 30 March 2008

badda boom

And WHAM, it is almost April.  Clocks finally changed here, bringing us aligned with our friends in North America and helps me from counting on my fingers 2 and 3 times to see when my US appointments are.

We await mortgage news. Stay calm. 

I am awake and excited.

New and yummy clients on the horizon. Hurrah! 

Gray hairs sprouting. (Long ones not just the little ones that frame one's face)

Leadership program getting real and getting a bit sticky. But definitely getting me involved. 

My List of 20 calls me. I am answering. 

I continue to go to to the gym.  Haven't braved a class yet but the possibility is getting closer as I do my hour of solo sweating without collapse. 

I am having my weekly driving lesson, not without teeth gritting when told when to shift to 3rd. 

Life feels on the brink of Busy.


Tuesday, 18 March 2008

20 ways

Indeed, I have completed my homework for Retreat 1.

And I BRAVELY share it here. I needed to list 20 ways I could manifest or express my purpose. They could be anything -- things I may do tomorrow or things I never do, but the goal was to get aligned to what feels fun, exciting and floats my boat.

Don't be alarmed if you are named in this and have not been informed.

My purpose is to compassionately refuse to let you hide your true, magical, human self. I get to the heart of the matter and the heart of what matters.

1. Become weight loss/wellness leader for Weight Watchers/ Slimming World

2. Interview my parents and siblings for living history project

3. Learn shiatsu

4. Affiliate with Aveda in the UK; coaching/wellness

5. Use Charming Gardener blog to nurture friend community, make interactive postings, request submissions to share stuff

6. Train to be Aveda esthetician

7. Create Rotating Supper Club with friends

8. Create Friendship Slut type program in UK

9. Host Philo Clubs

10. Take improv classes to work on my humour timing

11. Write letters to all the people I love telling them all the things I love about them.

12. Create PJ Program – to encourage people to be real and relaxed

13. Write and submit slice of life articles to Psychologies, Choice and local magazines

14. Set up Life Club in Glasgow

15. Co-author friendship book with Lexie

16. Try out for CTI UK front-of-room leader

17. Partner with like-minded coaches to bring coaching into workplace in a fun and non-stuffy way

18. Create coaching niche to work with and in conjunction with healing industry- massage, acupuncture, wellness, yoga

19. Participate in Toastmasters/Storytelling program

20. Create line of greeting cards that get to inner goo and expresses things in a unique and real way

21. Partner with Mary J to create Infinite Good gear – cards, t-shirts, totes and sell online


Monday, 17 March 2008

big day

  1. We put a bid on a place in Glasgow.
  2. I PASSED my Life in the UK Test. Took it in 4 minutes.
  3. I dry roasted some almonds
  4. That was the big one

Sunday, 16 March 2008

laziest sunday ever

5:09 p.m. and I am still in my jimjams. 

It is the best Sunday ever.  

After a weekend of actual social engagements (thank you PP and Matthew and Dorothy) and more Glasgow home hunting, Mark & I are 10000% flopping.  Working through the day with various TV and snacks.  Toast. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry ( So dumbly perfect for today) Nap. Frozen pizza. Mary Poppins. Everybody Loves Raymond  season 1 marathon. Mixed Nuts and smoothie. 

The day is giving up the ghost and it is fast becoming too late to put on clothes and wash my face.  

What I should be doing is reading my Life in the UK book, kindly produced by the Home Office to prepare me for my multiple choice Life in the UK test so I may have the Indefinite  Right to Remain.  Catchy visa name, eh?  

My test is tomorrow at 3 p.m. I have (kinda) read the book and paid attention to the House of Commons/House of Lords/Commonwealth info since I really didn't know boo about that stuff. But when it came to How to Get a Doctor, Holidays, Leisure, Money and Credit, I figure I pretty much have made that up as I went along these last 4 years. 

Maybe I'll just put the book under my pillow. 


Tuesday, 11 March 2008

the moment you have all been waiting for

I went to the gym.

After months of every excuse I could think of and then generally lalalalaing and running from my conscience I pulled out my finger. 

Maybe it was hurting my back from what I am imagining loose core muscles of too many nights on the couch that put me over the edge.  Or knowing that I am going to Florida in May and I shudder to expose anything below my neck.  Or knowing that I am going back to Leadership in May where I will face more psycho/physical challenges and it will be shorts weather there.  Or maybe because the sun came out today. 

Or maybe I am just ready.

I tried not to think about it as I put on my sports bra and gear, trainers (which felt oddly tight) with Mark's nicked nano iPod and a big bottle of H2O and went. 

Virgin Active near our house is really nice. And surprisingly populated for a mid-day/mid-week  visit.  Granted, I didn't set any records today... after all, I am still popping anti inflammatories like tick tacks.  But I got sweaty. And I feel my muscles underneath all my flesh wanting to come out and be used. 

It didn't feel as bad as I imagined.  It felt, in fact, good. Mostly to my conscience, who has been taking a beating for a very long time on this issue.  It is nice to come clean. 

Saturday, 8 March 2008

living on purpose

It has been a while since I actually wrote anything here that was more than news.  I feel a bit bad about that.  I feel like I have been hiding in the shadows and letting Life Maintenance  take center stage over other things. 

For my leadership course, we work off the premise of our life purpose, which  may sound grand and weird but in the coaching world is actually very normal and actually makes sense. 

Like- think about it .. What are you here on this earth to do?  What do you absolutely in your guts KNOW about yourself that makes you feel alive, real, awake and excited?  THAT is your purpose.  And you also know when you are living according and honouring it and you SO know when you are far far away from it.  (See Fannie Mae years for me)

When you are living On Purpose, you feel really pretty damn good. You have an aim and you are in a great flow of connection to yourself. It is nice. And one of the things I am working on is getting really clear on just what my purpose is.  It is hard to get the words to describe it. 

It is something to do with:
  • Deep permission for  people to be their true authentic, messy, wonderful selves and to be in relationship with them
  • Being the Radar to sense what is going on Really with people -- in themselves and in a group
  • Wanting everyone to be seen in a Deep Democracy 
  • It is to compassionately refuse to let them play small. I hold them to be bigger
  • I want to get to the heart of the matter -- whatever the situation and the heart of WHAT matters most to people
  • Seeing and loving the inner goo that makes people unique and who they are in their soul
See what I mean? I really love to be with people who are being their best selves, and to recognise and be real with what is not perfect and to be accepting of that. 

So I am playing with that all. As well as my leadership type -- a humour -- who plays with the space and can shift it.  And I want all of the above to be done lightly and with love and easiness and humour. 

So now I must make a list of the 20 ways I can manifest that purpose (when I can get it culled down to its essence and a sentence that 'works' for me!) and eventually to make that list things I will DO.

So I am not going to agonize over whether  this makes sense to anyone else just now.  But at the end of the day  I really want to translate all this so it makes sense to the people of my life and the people 'out there' so they too can get this cool connected space. 

Dear readers - whadda ya think??




Friday, 7 March 2008

is this what heaven looks like?

Diclofenac


a very nice little pill that is allowing me to MOVE.
And hardly have to ring my man bell at all.

Thursday, 6 March 2008

dab nab it

I was all fired up and inspired yesterday and started a post to expound on my leadership journey and what I am learning. Big picture.   I started it and am half way thorough it. Makes me feel connected all over.

And buggar all, my back is gone haywire on me. Like crippling ouch ouch ouch pain every time I shift. It is making all other thoughts and actions seem really unimportant.

Amazing how quickly pious and higher thought goes into the toilet when you have an immediate and LOUD physical need.

So my Deep Thoughts will have to wait. As I ring my little bell in hopes of a male nurse.

Sunday, 2 March 2008

Saturday, 1 March 2008

the way of the weegie

Up too early in our rented accommodation for our weekend of Glasgow Discovery.  It is exciting at first glance to look for a Proper Owned Home.  I've waited a good long time for this day.  The thought of painting and putting up towel rails that we actually get to keep instead of donating them to the rental houses we live in, is thrilling. Plus dog ownership and all that. 

While I thought swapping beloved Edinburgh for grittier Glasgow wouldn't be a cake walk, it may prove harder than I imagined.  Now, we need really to move for the sake of Mark's sanity.  3 hours each day in total to-ing and fro-ing does not bode for life quality.  Agreed. 

But after trekking around in Weegie's West End in literally Umbrella Breaking wind and rain for a day, I think this place may age me in a way I have been able to hold off.   Serious grey skies. Which is OK.  I even LIKE melancholy days to keep me in and cozy and reading.  But I am not sure I could hack it 90% of the time. Edinburgh's slightly eastern position really saves us from the worst of Scotland's weather and we enjoy more days of light and less days of pouring down.  The city is bigger. And life seems harder.  You can see it on the faces of the people who walk by you. 

But yes, the Glasweegians are FRIENDLY.  Really down to earth and open.  Unbelievably, seeing that it is a kind of harsh place.  But as they say , if you aren't good looking you'd better be rich, Or funny. Or smart.  And it does have Friendly going for it.  And really more affordable (Amazing Chinese Take Out from Chow's on Byres Road with entrees at literally £4.50)

I guess we hadn't properly realized how great we have it in Edinburgh. Spitting distance to all things we want. Outside garden. Private entrance. Adorable areas to live.  Small enough to feel contained. Big enough to have all things urban. And the occasional Blue Sky. 

So this is a work in progress.  We are cosmic ordering A Home We Both Love that we Feel Great In and can Grown In.  Open to suggestions.



Wednesday, 20 February 2008

top 10 Paris trip memories

10. Ordering from a 100% no english restaurant on our first night and getting wonderful food
9. SUN SUN SUN everyday on one's face
8. The French knowing the importance of sitting
7. Mark being punched in the kidneys by a surly French waitress and then yelling "ParDON!" so loud at him that she dropped her full tray
6. Bread, cheese, coffee, butter, croissants done the way God invented
5.  Boat trip down the Seine looking 
4. Understanding where DC got all its ideas about architecture
3. Meandering with Mark
2. Guessing who was French and who was English/North American by just looking at them
1.  Expanding my continental Europe brain and wanting more.

beau




le soleil



A bientot



c'est bien


oui oui


Thursday, 14 February 2008

Je vais à Paris

  • Been reading phonetic pronunciations 
  • Reading about neighbourhoods
  • Booking restaurants
  • Musing about the Eurostar
  • Mentally packing
  • Checking out

Sunday, 10 February 2008

letting the sand grains settle in the bottom

Almost a week since I've been back and have been mostly feeling other worldly due to jet lag, irregular sleeping, relief to be home, and cellular processing of Leadership R1 (that's Retreat 1 to you).

And with no major life decisions for the first 2 weeks after retreats, I find myself in the conservatory with Mark and our (literal) flip charts and excel spread sheets, good coffee and several plans to create -- house purchase, 5 year plan and Paris. All v different. All v exciting.

After our Liberal Buying Period of Christmas and January -- and celebrating the fact that we could go out to dinner, buy an iPod mini, and (Mark's new and oddly exciting for him toy) steam cleaner - we now realise we need to save. Big. I am not really adding to the family nut. And we want to buy a house. And we have a giant student loan. And we need to get a down payment together.

All v real. And feels a little like the Spending Party is coming to an abrupt end. But I am OK with this.

But reality is real and our home ownership plan may need to be worked on for about a year while we get on our feet and save save save.

It gives me some grip. Something to aim for. A Plan. I like it.

Wednesday, 6 February 2008

climb on

30 feet into the air, many lessons to learn.

Stay in your body
Breathe
Trust your body
If you fall (I did on step 8), stop, recover, get up and return.
Keep going
Source and support everyone else who needs you
Be amazed in what you can do
Be grateful 



Mother Tree




Monday, 4 February 2008

Ho

Wow

Trip is almost over. In the San Fran hotel, with a loooooong flight back to the UK today.

And I am not really even sure I can process all the big bigness that I got out of the last week of my trip.  But as I do, I want to share it here.

No sleeping outside. No running naked in the woods. But some of it was just as challenging both mentally and psychically. 

I am looking forward to the debrief so stay tuned. 


Friday, 18 January 2008

big trip

Hooo haaa. 

I am soon to be on my next adventure and am beside myself.  Fretting about packing. Pacing, racing around buying things. (they Do have stores in the US, many of them, I realise) 
I keep online shopping and having sporty and cute new things sent to my sister's in the US to take advantage of the incredibly weak dollar. I think it is easier to focus on What I Will Wear than What I Will Be Doing.  Or, conversely, if I feel I have the right 'stuff' I won't be distracted. 

Who knows. I do know  I have so much to look forward to. And I do. 

New year. New decade. More me. More goodness. 

First my week of friendly DC faces and sushi, old haunts and then my Californication Big Leadership course. I just found out we 24 participants are from all over the globe and in true CTI/CoActive spirit -- the people sound well into it and  way cool. I am excited to meet the tribe who will share the next 9 months' journey with me. Yay for diversity. Yay for openness and a bit of healthy fear and nerves... of which I have a plenty.  (For the infamous 'ropes' course!)

I can't wait to see where the rubber hits the road for me. I've been talking a big game about what I want to do with coaching and I am curious to see just where I am full of shit.  And where I am able to step up and do what I profess. It is the ultimate Walk the Talk. I currently really have been enjoying the Talking the Walk. Time to get moving. 

Exciting time. Super fortunate to be able to have the emotional and financial support to do this. 

And thoughts on Four-Oh. I was just musing with Mary R about how turning 30 was Such A Big Deal. Huge. Parties and a giant leap into what was seen and felt as a movement into something totally new and foreign.  But 40 feels so much more mellow and, OK. It is more of a stride than a leap.  Gentle movement of time.  I feel it, but it isn't scary.   

Just making sure I have the right outfit is.

Sunday, 6 January 2008

signs of snow


a huh huh (insert shoulder shake laugh)


home part 2

I am going to DC en route to my Leadership Program in CA in 2 short weeks.  

Being in WI for Christmas was so deeply comforting and root nourishing.  And now a visit to DC ought to provide the other injection of home right in the core.  They are my 2 US homes -- after all -- one of my youth and one of my adulthood. And both keep my memories and my people and my touchstones. And being there brings me closer to who I am and feels just ... good. 

And I wouldn't be me if I didn't blether on about Whole Foods (even to look!), Spices, Target and burritos a plenty!  (why does it always come to that? I am a simpleton)

Among what may come, I am hopeful for:
  • Teaism with the Babs U and Shinny
  • Spicy Crunchy Time and soaking up life with Helena
  • Regular lunch with Andy
  • Walking Connecticut Avenue top to bottom
  • Meeting Ben McD and seeing his cheery parents
  • Filter coffee
  • Meeting man friend of B's
  • A US mobile
  • Waking up on the Hill
  • The red line
  • Retrieving leftover belongings from various people's homes/shipping back  art to the UK
  • Moderate temperatures and likely blue skies
  • People running up the escalators and down the escalators in true harried/hassled DC style
  • Merry Mary J
  • Ability to online order US things and  get them at B's
  • Incomprehensible cab drivers who charge nebulously by the zone
  • Cleveland Park ease
  • Buying Bumble & Bumble from Axis
  • Possible Nail Avenue mani/pedi
  • Eating a rueben that I didn't get in WI (Krupin's anyone?)
  • Seeing my pals a plenty
  • Seeing what's new in the capitol
  • Prelude to 40th







Friday, 4 January 2008

first things first

take down all proof of Christmas
do all left over laundry from all holiday
sleep inordinate amounts of time
TV
avoid M&Ms
make lists of books to get from library
make lists of best films of 2007 not yet out in UK
review
silence
tea
straighten house compulsively
consider calling people
abandon idea
make lists of things to cook
study gym schedule
online shop for sporty clothes on US sites and abandon shopping cart after hours of choosing exact size and colors
pile up papers
TV
nap
repeat

UPDATE
take indulgently long, soaky hot shower and deep condition hair
make social dates to force self out of house
finish M&MS to get them out of head and life
drycleaning
make soup
realise getting groove back is OK and give self permission to ease into life


Wednesday, 2 January 2008

bonus

January 2.

Mark left for work this morning and called me 20 minutes later.

Apparently, today is a Bank Holiday in Scotland. (!?)

He doesn't have to go to work.

Back in Jim Jams. 

One more day until reality.

Sunday, 30 December 2007

Greatest Hits 2007

• Daily walking commute and evening escort home
• Circle lunches
• Infinite Good
• Giddy fireworks and sparklers at Ashley's in the clear cold night in Fife
• Soy milk
• Mac conversion
• Love/hate Facebook
• New cape, duvet and purple coats
• Beautiful evolution of work mates turning into real friends
• Living simply and then a return to commerce
• Grown up European holiday in Majorca
• Sa Punta and Son Floriana
• Mark’s graduation and job getting
• Slug murder
• Giving notice at work
• New friends, keep the old, Silver/Gold rule
• Loch Lomand and anniversary Dom Perignon
• How I Met Your Mother and King of Queens giggles
• Successful cosmic ordering
• North American visitors
• Tradition not habit
• Friend return
• Marriage: into the second year
• Staying

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

freedom training wheels

Had my first day of not going to the office today.  

It feels 1% weird. 

Maybe it is that I am still recovering from my 4 a.m. getting home from my leaving do/holiday party. Or that I am in xmas mode. Or that I am discombobulated when Mark gets up for work. 

I have high hopes for making this new thing work for me. 

After all, the 99% feels pretty flipping fantastic.

Wednesday, 12 December 2007

bi-annual hair



chocolate-ization and end cleaning

Tuesday, 11 December 2007

Chapter ending

Three days at work left and I feel crabby. Like I shoulda maybe gone 3 weeks ago. Six weeks of notice is too long. By the time you get to the last week, your head is already gone, but your body is at the office … making it very confusing for your spirit.

But I feel this is 10000% the right time for me to exit. Change is afoot. And I am not, should not, be a part of the next iteration. In the 18 months I have tried to be myself, do my work, be open and honest and treat people with respect and good will. And that I think I have accomplished. It also underscores what is important to me and what I can’t be bothered with. Truth is, I am more hungry now for a different kind of work than I have been in a long time. The fire is officially lit for my next chapter.

My best takeaway from my job is that I’ve met really great humans and they have helped me fully assimilate into life in Scotland. I got to know the flavour and the texture of the people and culture in a way I never would have just sitting in my flat. I've been part of it. I so appreciate the characters and the open friendliness and acceptance my team has offered me.

I will truly miss working with people I like, respect and enjoy being around. The daily coffee mornings, the ‘man tin’, my continual visits to the web team, the lunch field trips and Sodexo cuisine. But also working with people who Get It. They are smart and know what and who they are about and how to do their jobs. It is heartening to be around. I also see what they could be if they believed in themselves more. But they know how to have a laugh and also do their job -- which is a refreshing change from some of my corporate experience.

I also know I won’t miss early mornings and picking out an outfit. Too many available snacks. Meetings. Quiet office politics. Time away from what I feel called to do. Giving me excuses to play small. And not coaching more.

My hope is that I will keep the people. Keep the friends. Keep the connection.

But in my heart of hearts I know.

My work here is done.