Sunday 29 January 2012

birthday eve

photo from
Tomorrow I am 44.  Forty-Four.
It has a nice, even, symmetrical quality about it, even if it is a number that feels a bit too big and a bit too foreign. In my mind, I think about 38 is right.
Even more so, since I am now 21 weeks pregnant with a baby girl child.
Being 44 and half-way there to birth is far more knackering that it was at 41.
I am tired and not so very patient.  Makes me want to take a bit of stock on just what and where I am today on my birthday eve.

I am:

  • pregnant
  • almost 44
  • OK, we covered that
  • tired
  • ditto
  • often blank of mind when I have 10 minutes of quiet
  • in love with my bed
  • illogically laundry obsessed
  • disinterested in most current affairs
  • nervous if I don't have both a book to read and a book to listen to
  • eating much cheese
  • scared to drive our newly acquired car (I haven't driven in the UK since the DAY of my test. In 2006. Hello)
  • worried about having 2 children drain my waning energies
  • worried that child 1 will be sad not to have his mum all to himself 
  • worried that I have no recall on how to care for actual baby
  • realising this list is not as whimsical and light as I imagined it
  • trying now to think of really positive things
  • blank of mind
OK. Let me try something else ... here's what I want for my 44th year
  • endurance
  • patience
  • flexibility
  • light-heartedness
  • giggles
  • family hugs
  • embracing change
  • ever expanding love supply for all my important people including myself
  • financial stability
  • ability to find the silly
  • be the best mother, partner, daughter and friend I can be
  • appreciate the many magical tiny moments I have each day
  • one eye on the horizon so I can picture where we are going and start to get excited about being there
  • gratitude for the ways which I know, I already have all of those things