Monday 17 January 2005

in PROcess

I've just come off my 2nd last coaching course, called Process. They call it PROcess here and after hearing it 876 times in the last 3 days, I am now saying PROcess too and not feeling entirely queer. A friend from class (God love her) in my class said I had a "very nice American tone", which I accept as the highest compliment.

I feel that this weekend added a really big piece of the puzzle that has been missing in my coaching. Now that it is in place, the whole picture looks different. Better. Bigger.

It may sound simple, but the principle is - That which you cannot be with will run your life. Meaning, if you cannot STAND, change the channel, avoid, despise, run from something, you really have that part in you that you are not accepting. It is sadness. Or disappointment. Or rejection. Or loss. Or fear. Or worthlessness. Or a million other things.

The trick/key is to be with it. Look at it. Name it. Feel it. Talk of it.
And it is hard. And messy. And uncomfortable. But once you do it, you can actually include it in your life. You may not ever like it or feel comfortable with it, but you won't cut out huge areas of topics/ideas/states of mind. It just Is. It becomes part of the whole life without judgment. One you stop avoiding the feeling, you can have a remarkable new sense of yourself.

It is like when I was a kid I was so afraid of tornados that I stopped listening to the radio in case they gave a weather report. And those of you know like to kid me about 'night clouds' vs. storm clouds. I wouldn' t even mention it -- but just go around the house closing windows and putting on sweaters. As if that made me safer. And as if I 'wanted' to play in the basement. It didn't. And I wasn't. But the fear was a part of me.

Now for any of you who thing that sounds airy-fairy, think of what you go out of your way to avoid. Night clouds? Or something that costs you much more.

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