37

Day 2 of being 37 and so far, so good.

I am determined not to fall into the February funk. I know that a lot of people go into a post-holiday slump after all the hoopla of Christmas and New Years. But me, I like to delay it until after my January birthday. After all, I usually get gifts in January, so not all is lost yet. But once February hits, it is a long 11 months until a fairly guaranteed present season comes again.

Yes, I know I sound like a 9-year old.

Old habits die hard. AND, I said I was determined not to fall into it. Plus, I got some excellent gratification today at the Boots chemist -- a.k.a the kick ass drug store -- with my gift card from Mark (part of my present) and went hog-wild at the Lancome counter. Like a pig in mud. Nothing like some new under-eye concealer to make a gal feel zippy. And heck, even make me feel 36 again. Or 9.

Guy smiley and Babs in Cambridge after a day on monkeying around 

At Cambridge Blue pub with Barbara on my last day of being 36 

Laurie Wood in London.  

not madonna yet, but ...

I was riding on the bus home from my receptionist job yesterday and was over-hearing/eavesdropping on a conversation between strangers about one of the passenger's adorable toddler and heard her say "he has been 'winge-ing' all day."

Without question, I knew exactly what she meant. I've cracked the vernacular. Made me think of all the things I have adopted into my everyday vocabulary to be understood.

winge-ing=whining
tomAHto = tomato
on a course= taking a class
what are you on about = what are you talking about
never mind = oh well
queue = line
maths = math
daft = dumb
prat = jerk
take away = to go
pavement = sidewalk
have a go = pick a fight
ring you = call you
any joy? = any luck?
white coffee = coffee with milk (and if you order 'coffee with milk' they look at you very confused)
is that Susie? (as said on the phone) = is this Susie?
Mo-Bile = cell phone
lovely = nice/great
elevensies = that nice snack you eat at 11 a.m.
con TRO versy = controversy
pavement = sidewalk
answer phone = answering machine
windscreen = windshield
supermarket = grocery store (they never say grocery store unless they mean like a pure green grocer where one buys veggies)
post = mail (as in "has the post come yet?")
car park = parking lot
book = rent or reserve (as in "Have you booked the car/hotel/restaurant")
lounge = living room
garden = yard
hob = stove
biscuit = cookies or crackers
pudding/sweet = dessert of any nature
brown bread = wheat or any kind of non -white bread
partner = boy or girlfriend or husband or wife of hetro or homo

in PROcess

I've just come off my 2nd last coaching course, called Process. They call it PROcess here and after hearing it 876 times in the last 3 days, I am now saying PROcess too and not feeling entirely queer. A friend from class (God love her) in my class said I had a "very nice American tone", which I accept as the highest compliment.

I feel that this weekend added a really big piece of the puzzle that has been missing in my coaching. Now that it is in place, the whole picture looks different. Better. Bigger.

It may sound simple, but the principle is - That which you cannot be with will run your life. Meaning, if you cannot STAND, change the channel, avoid, despise, run from something, you really have that part in you that you are not accepting. It is sadness. Or disappointment. Or rejection. Or loss. Or fear. Or worthlessness. Or a million other things.

The trick/key is to be with it. Look at it. Name it. Feel it. Talk of it.
And it is hard. And messy. And uncomfortable. But once you do it, you can actually include it in your life. You may not ever like it or feel comfortable with it, but you won't cut out huge areas of topics/ideas/states of mind. It just Is. It becomes part of the whole life without judgment. One you stop avoiding the feeling, you can have a remarkable new sense of yourself.

It is like when I was a kid I was so afraid of tornados that I stopped listening to the radio in case they gave a weather report. And those of you know like to kid me about 'night clouds' vs. storm clouds. I wouldn' t even mention it -- but just go around the house closing windows and putting on sweaters. As if that made me safer. And as if I 'wanted' to play in the basement. It didn't. And I wasn't. But the fear was a part of me.

Now for any of you who thing that sounds airy-fairy, think of what you go out of your way to avoid. Night clouds? Or something that costs you much more.

better

When does the blog stop being an entertaining tale of travel and folly and start sounding like a 'Christmas letter' inserted into a holiday card? "I did this and that and went here and there and saw that thing and the other thing ..."

When does the blogger stop making insightful, detached and pithy observations of the world, and use the medium as a mass update to friends and family?

Readers, I feel as if my last few months have been lazy bloggage. (Yes, a new word I just made up.) I am not a big fan of the New Year's resolution. It pretty much sets me up to fail. It is like a giant invitation to go ahead and do that thing I am not supposed to do, eat, say, feel, etc. I do, however, believe in trying to do things better... trying to be more engaged in what one is doing. Not just phoning it in.

And as a life coach it is kinda the thing I preach -- in the be all that you can be way -- so I am going to work on the practice part of the preaching. I want to be a better blogger. I want to be a better friend. I want to be a better daughter. I want to be a better sister. I want to be a better girlfriend. I want to be a better coach. And I want to be a better Carol.

No resolutions. Just intentions to be better. It is a looser cloak of resolve. And chances are that in many ways, I'll screw it up. Just like humans do (me especially). But the gold nugget is that it is ok to screw it up. Because it doesn't take a new calendar to allow me to make a fresh start. Just a new page in my head.

Happy blank slate everyone.