ode to 38

It never feels like what you'd imagine
if only you imagined this far
but usually my brain only went until about now
but now I stop and pause and see what it is
this year I've done
come and gone
surprising where I've found ground and where I've lost my feet
how simple things are hard and the hard oddly easy
I've not done it all with grace and light
Scrappy and scrapy
but job done
Beyond getting by I want the flow
It is the up and it is the awake
And the map I am drawing
Mustn't lose the pencil
In order to go I have to be there
Here
I am
Awake