Tuesday 24 October 2006

sucked in

It seems as though my perspective has shifted. I remember when I first got to the UK and everything was new, interesting, a puzzle or an amusement to discover. Novel. Different. As was my approach to my new world order. I was curious, detached, thoughtful. I really enjoyed the sense of wonder and the view of myself as explorer and brave for taking on new life.

Hmmm. I find myself now after 2 years slipping back into not noticing things in the same way. I am being sucked in. Sucked down and reshaped. My world perspective is shrinking again. And I don’t like it. Old habits, comfortable patterns, smaller thinking.
Why do we only get really interested and curious about our world when we are on vacation or in new situations? After a while we filter out the new and readily trade it in for the familiar. Where we operate in autopilot. And comfort. We know what to expect and that’s what we get.

I am struggling a bit with the realignment with an actual job. With my new identity as worker. People ask what I do and I am not sure if I would say coach or marketing person. My self-notions are blurry. And that in itself is not familiar. Or comfortable.

I feel like I am getting the chance to right the wrongs of my former corporate life. Do it now in a new way. In a way that calls me forward with my whole self. I have a chance at reinventing and being called forth in an active way. Less safe then coaching from home on its own. More exposed. More tricky too. I now have to practice the balance I preach to clients. Exercising the same awareness and principles. It is cloudy from the inside. To keep my perspective of curious wonder.

And not drown.

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