But I am not.
Mark & I walked to the bank this morning, where I was depositing a coaching check... into our JOINT account. This in itself is enough to write about (isn't it cool?) but that is not where I am going in this entry. We were walking and chatting about how flipping SOON all the craziness will begin and could we believe that we are getting MARRIED next month? Mark admitted he was a bit nervous and asked if I was. I think it is the first time it has occurred to me to be nervous. I think it is like when a woman is pregnant, she has 9 months to prepare mentally and get ready and be scared and by the end of 9 months she just wants that thing out of her. The fear is gone. Same with brides -- distract them with minutia and planning and photographers and flowers and dresses and schedules and seating charts so she can't actually remember that at the end of it all she will be in the big dress making serious promises in front of a load of people.
So if I was a better person, I'd be writing about that cool joint bank account and the plans for our future -- moving to a new city, jobs, babies, cars, jobs, and businesses. Or at the very least, I’d be waxing poetic about my last days as a Miss. I'd examine the journey Mark & I have been on to get here. The excitement and the thrill the shock of actually really marrying Mark after all this time. What this stands for, what we are about, how proud I am of us and of him, what it says about us as individuals or as a couple.
But no, I need to finish the DJ song list, decide of we are going to have a 'first dance', sort out the visa appointment with the British Consulate in NY, book the honeymoon car, look into travel insurance, chase up the UK flower lady, buy wedding shoes, not eat, consider pros and cons of a fake tan, look for my wedding glasses (my wedding gift from Mark to me), obsess about my dress fitting, have dress fitting, select the catering for the before and after parties, consider those gift bags for people who are travelling to each of the weddings from out of town (don't hold your breath), not be crazy person, sort the UK ceremony, finalize the US ceremony, get programs printed for both of them, meet in person with both UK and US photographers, exercise compulsively, make a master list of all the deposits we have made and who gets owed what and when in which country, choose a DC cake, get wedding party gifts, buy booze for parties, be nice to Mark, worry about my exercise schedule before the wedding while in DC. And those are just some of the things I have written down.
See why it is easier to focus on the immediate -- the growing baby as it were, rather then what is really happening? A new life. I am certain it will all come together in the end. I am totally committed to the process. The result will be something new and nothing shy of a miracle. It'll be ours and we shall call it Marriage. So if you see the bride coming your way with a glazed, faintly insane look, just assume she is clinging dearly to the notion that it will all work out in the end. Agree with her. It is for the best.